Republic of Moreland

April 23, 2007

Midnight mayhem in Moreland

Two nights ago I awoke to the sound of screaming.

No, I didn’t copy that from my grade 4 creative writing “opening lines” exercise. I actually did awake to the sound of screaming.

It was coming from my back yard. Out of sleep’s fug, it dawned on me that the alarming sounds were coming from the chook pen. I grabbed the torch and raced outside to hear the delicate tinkle of a cat-collar bell. My chickens were all out of the coop, clearly agitated.

I didn’t see the cat, but yesterday a tabby, wearing said bell, was casing the joint. I threw stones at it, as one does. But it kept returning all day, eventually terrorising the baby chooks. In broad daylight!

Despite my stone-throwing, word of larks at Number xx got around, and before long a tortoise-shell cat was stalking the back yard, And then you, spooky.

My chicken-coop, being of open plan (Eames era) design, is a drop-in facility for all class of creature. It’s not maximum security, but it looks like I’ll have to work on upgrading it today.

Unless anyone has suggestions as to how to keep them there kitties away. I’ve heard of pepper to deter dogs: is there any non-structural deterrent for cats?



  1. Kill the next cat you find there and plant its head on a stake, belled collar and all. Word will travel around the cat community pretty damn fast after that, I’d reckon. The cat witchdoctors will shake their heads, “Bad juju. Plenty bad juju.”

    And if you recognise one of them — this “Spooky”, for instance — it should be pretty easy to track it back to its lair and rub its nose in broken glass.

    Bane of Malakas: Practical poultry protection ideas for the budget conscious.

    Comment by Bane of Malakas — April 23, 2007 @ 11:00 am | Reply

  2. Well Bane, your first fine suggestion, while the hallmark of civilised society, is structural. I asked for non-structural solutions.

    And no matter what Spooky does, he (she?) is exempt. Any cat who has its own comic strip is covered under Section 89 of the Municipal Furry Icon (Cute Factor) Protection Act.

    I should mention that the cats are after the little chicks, not the large chickens. Large chickens seem perfectly capable of protecting themselves.

    Comment by Girl on The Avenue — April 23, 2007 @ 11:20 am | Reply

  3. D. O. G.

    Comment by david tiley — April 25, 2007 @ 4:21 am | Reply

  4. Oh no! Can you arm the chicks? Maybe with an arsenal of assault weapons, or perhaps pepper spray?

    Comment by jac — April 25, 2007 @ 12:17 pm | Reply

  5. Sadly, one of our little chicks disappeared this morning. After I’d built a high-security pen, ‘n all.

    Comment by Girl on The Avenue — April 27, 2007 @ 3:58 pm | Reply

  6. The cats realised you weren’t serious. You must now wage ceaseless jihad upon them. Film yourself decapitating one, and post it on this blog. I promise I’ll watch it all the way through.

    Comment by Bane of Malakas — April 27, 2007 @ 8:54 pm | Reply

  7. Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat!

    Okay calm down animal lovers. 1) Go talk to the owners of cat. They may be as upset as yourself 2) Tell the council (of Moreland). There’s new strict rules about cats now. 3) Cats hate water. 4) if all else fails: Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat! Kill the cat!

    Comment by joanpylon — April 30, 2007 @ 6:12 pm | Reply

  8. spray them with water
    it might take an all night vigil, but they will soon learn
    a shotgun filled with salt will also do the trick

    Comment by Marty — May 1, 2007 @ 7:05 pm | Reply

  9. Two of our chooks have turned into ‘attack-chooks’, I suspect they learnt this from playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Chooks with the three year old. They now launch themselves at approaching cats, wings flapping madly about a metre off the ground, all feathers and sqwaking. As they are quite pretty little bantams, all dainty sock feathers and fluffy bottoms, this is an extraordinary sight and I have been known to pull a stomach muscle laughing too hard. It is effective, whether from fear or hysterics, the cats stop returning after a while. I can lend you the three year old if you want, for para-chook training purposes. Just don’t tell the government.

    Comment by faith — May 5, 2007 @ 3:19 pm | Reply

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